I've learned that if you speak your mind, and stick to it, you save money.

During the presidential campaign I started to read the New York Times online each day because the news coverage as well as the columnists were superior to my local newspapers'.

Eventually, I canceled the local paper and subscribed to the New York Times seven days a week. It was more expensive, but I decided I was worth it.  And the Sunday Times was a real treat.

But recently I stopped reading the NYT with the same enthusiasm I had during the campaign and early months of this administration. Also, I was going online more often to read obituaries, weather, and news in that local paper. More importantly, I missed having its weekly TV guide.

So I broke down last week and reordered a seven-day subscription to the local paper for $4.75 a  week. I changed the NYT to Sunday only for $7.50.

Then yesterday my Visa bill arrived, and showed a charge of  $61. 75 for 13 weeks delivery of the local paper. I wouldn't have minded except a letter came from that paper the same day offering me a special "Limited-Time Pricing of $2.75 a week for 7-day delivery" as a new subscriber.

I called and said I wanted that price instead of $4.75. The customer service person said that offer was only for new subscribers. I said I subscribed only a week ago and would  cancel my subscription and reorder as a new subscriber. I added that if she couldn't arrange that I wanted to talk with her supervisor. Immediately she said, "You can have the special offer price of $2.75 and I will credit your Visa account." In that moment the annual cost dropped from $247 annually to $143.

Flush with success, I called the NYT to cancel the $7.50 Sunday paper because I decided I don't really NEED two Sunday papers. When I explained that I really enjoy the paper but I don't really need it, the customer service person immediately said, "We can let you have the Sunday edition for half, or $3.75 a week."  The drop here was from $390 annually to $195. 

The total savings is $299 a year for one daily and two Sunday papers.    

So don't accept the first offer. Open up your mouth and demand a better deal. You're the buyer.

I'm often invited to financial seminar/dinner meetings for seniors, but I didn't start attending them until I became a widow.
That's when I realized I must understand exactly how much money I have, what's happening to it, and how I can make sure it lasts as long as I do.

One of the best ways to work through the grief of widowhood is to gain control of your finances. In many cases that helps make you feel "safe" again.

Daniel O. Fisher, Certified Senior Adviser, of Wilmette IL, (847-501-0279) shed light on that subject last week in Jimmy's Charhouse in Riverwoods when he presented a talk about assuring a "Safe and Smart Retirement."

If you thought there was a way to get rich quick, especially in today's economy, Fisher reminded us to forget that. "Moderate gains that never experience a loss will outperform a volatile market," he said. "If something seems too good to be true--it probably is." 

Also, we all must become guardians of our estates and become our own best advisers.

"Don't hesitate to take charge because you thought you never were good enough at math," he stressed. You simply cannot put all your money in someone's hands and forget about it. The only way to guarantee a comfortable and secure future is to take charge of it yourself. You must examine the monthly reports sent by your adviser. If you don't understand them completely, meet with him or her and insist upon an explanation of whatever confuses you.

And when you do understand where you money is and what it's doing, make sure you approve of that manager's strategy for safeguarding it.  Change to someone else if you don't feel your money is "working while you sleep."

You must find someone that understands and can explain to you:

• Ways to avoid paying taxes on social security
• If you are a good candidate for some kind of Roth IRA
• If you should buy one of the many kinds of annuities
• How to make sure your heirs are best protected from taxes.

Ask your accountant and/attorney to help find such a person, who also will appreciate your goals and help achieve them.Some of us are more comfortable with risk than others, and your adviser also must be sympathetic to that.

See Widows List: Financial

 

When we talked about dining out at the last Glenview Widowslist Club meeting,  I mentioned that I began to eat "carry out dinners" after my husband died. And I ate them alone, sitting on the couch in the den.

Then one night, while I was standing in a Mexican restaurant waiting for my order, the man asked if I wanted it for "carry out or eating in. "I looked around and thought, "I deserve to eat in this restaurant with others even though my husband died."

Aloud I said, "IN!" and sat down at a table. The other women in this club we dubbed "Strive and Thrive Alone" shook their heads in agreement. They all had a similar experience.

They also nodded when I said it felt so nice to finally sit down in a restaurant and eat supper again the way others do.

I chewed more slowly, I took smaller bites. I put down my fork and looked around and sipped my drink. There was a relaxation I didn't feel eating at home alone.
 
After the meeting we noticed a flyer on the Senior Center bulletin board announcing the next meeting of "The Supper Club."  Each month this group goes to a different restaurant in the area. The cost is about $25 per person. But the pleasure of being at a "party" is immeasurable.

Our group plans to participate in this Supper Club, and we thought every Senior Center should offer the same thing. Check and see if your neighborhood Senior Center does. If not, talk to the management and suggest it.

That's how important change comes about.

Day two of our Caribbean Cruise aboard The Holland America Lines' Eurodam takes us to Grand Turk island, where we sign up for an excursion to snorkel in the ocean and rest on the island's white-sand beach for $29 each.

It is a primitive trip at best. The islanders drive us to the beach (five minutes), lead us to a wooden bar  where we pick up a snorkel mouthpiece and fins from a basket, and then they drive off. We find our way to the sea, look down at fish for a bit, then settle in lounge chairs for an hour. We go back to the wharf where a few shops are open in a small market selling very pedestrian souvenirs. We return quickly to our ship, where we swim in the turquoise pool, rest on soft, shaded lounge chairs, and are handed thick towels by the same people who offer drinks.  It is far superior to that first island visit.

But the next day's trip to San Juan is fascinating. We meet a darling young man from New  York who quit his job and opened a shop called Piranha Joe just a few steps from the wharf. His helper, a 24-year-old business college grad from Cary Il, arrived here first on a tour. She later returned with a tent and slept on the beach while she worked in a bar and saved enough money to rent a room. Both seem to enjoy a life of complete freedom from responsibility that others dream about. 

We also hike through Old San Juan, and the visit a day later at St. Thomas also is totally delightful. After a day of shopping through jewelry stores and a flea market, and enjoying the gorgeous views of hills and sea, we climb aboard our ship that slowly pulls away from shore. Looking back across the water, I muse that  the little white wooden houses tumbling down this hillside look like an overturned  cup of  sugar cubes.

We spend our next days meeting people, making new friends from all across the country, and trying to forget that this delightful "spot of time" won't go on forever.

Each evening as we watch the sun sink into the water we remember that Nancy Koran's marvelous book, "Loving Frank" described the horizon as "The hem of heaven." 

This is the first Widowslist.com trip. We ask our travel agent, Neelie Cruse at Cary Travel Express, 847-639-3300, to keep us informed about others, including resorts and land tours.

We'll post her suggestions, but want to know if you have any ideas. Do comment.  As we just learned,  widows have great fun together meeting fellow travelers.

See The Widows List: Travel
See The Widows List: Great Advice

We're smoothly transported up the ramp and onto our floating palace, where we roam over soft carpets, gaze at crystal chandeliers and a multi-million-dollar-plus art collection along the walls. We are awed by two luxurious outdoor swimming pools, the Greenhouse Spa & Salon and Exercise room (where Beth and I will work out on the treadmill each morning). We peer into the two-tiered show lounge with its velvet seats and a cheery casino filled with music, and bright lights.

We have a few hours before our rooms will be ready with our luggage, so we check out the elegant main dining room, the intimate Pinnacle Grill and The Lido Restaurant, a casual dining buffet that seems to serve something all day and evening. In addition, we look over the room service menu--open 24-hours a day.  Of course there's too much food on board, but part of the fun is not having to prepare it--and that's also why we schedule treadmill time.

At last our (upgraded) eighth-floor stateroom with a veranda is ready --and  champagne sent by a friend is waiting on ice. We uncork it and unpack. As we slip into summer clothes, we remind ourselves that it's 13 degrees at home.

This is our first full day at sea. We sit in lounge chairs on our private  balcony,sipping the bubbly and watching tiny foam-tipped waves ripple by as sea gulls hover overhead.

Dinner features every delicacy imaginable, and continues to do that in each dining spot throughout the journey. The service people, from top to bottom levels, strive for "excellence" on the final-day passenger survey. In our opinion, they achieve it.

Our first evening includes a swing through the Casino where we don't spend much time or money, and to the on board shops sparking with jewelry and perfume bottles, then on to the piano bar. We stop to see our first show in the Show Lounge introducing the Eurodam dancers and singers.. (We saw several shows during the cruise, including and a heart-stopping magician who performed with his aerial ballerina wife.)  Late that first evening we stop at the Internet Cafe, where we buy one hour of on-line use for $50. It seems expensive, but that gave us almost 10 minutes a day to check emails. Other choices included 75 cents a minute 

Stay tuned, more coming....


See The Widows List: Travel
and The Widows List: Great Advice

We began planning our first Widowslist.com Cruise in August. We wanted to sail the Caribbean Islands on the most luxurious ship we could find during Chicago's coldest, snowiest season.

Our Travel Agent, Cary Travel Express, in Cary IL, suggested a seven-night-trip  the first week in February, when  the weather's good and top season prices haven't begun.

The first hitch was learning that lone travelers  pay what travel professionals call the "Single Supplement" and I call "The Widow's Penalty." Because we use a double room, we pay for two. 

I solved that problem by inviting my daughter Beth, co-host on this Web site and a professional photographer, to join me.  My blog entries and Beth's photos will appear on this Web site in the following days.

We chose to travel on Holland America Lines (HAL) because my husband and I enjoyed a wonderful trip to Alaska on it's Noordam ship many years ago.  Cary Travel booked us on HAL's newest ship The Eurodam,  and we we were stunned by its luxury and beauty.

I searched online myself  for the cheapest American Airlines flight to and from Ft. Lauderdale, where the ship departed and returned. (I later learned from fellow sailors that Jet Blue also is a fine airline that offers excellent values if it flies to your destination.)

There was another setback with baggage. You MUST pack a case too big for carry-on if you're going away for eight days, and that's expensive. Beth's bag was over the 50- pound limit--and on American Airlines those few pounds pushed the luggage price from $25 to $50. Mine slipped under the limit for $25. We brought snacks on the flight--but the Boston Market beef and chicken sandwiches others bought for $10 on board didn't look bad. 

I intervened again when our travel agent told us her preferred hotel. I called the reservations desk , explained that I am a senior widow, and a member of AARP, and they dropped the price our agent had quoted for one night before sailing by $45. The hotel also arranged very inexpensive pickup at the airport, delivery to the wharf, and a return to the airport at the end of the cruise.

I advise everyone to do the same and not totally depend on your travel agent to book everything without question.

We always use American Taxi (847-272-8000) to get us to and from O'Hare and they have never disappointed us. (They also accept senior discount chits.)

Beth and I were especially glad my old Journalism college chum, Barbara Madden Peterson, who was widowed nine months ago, decided to join us.

Our plane was on time, we arrived in Ft. Lauderdale early enough to have a riotous dinner with three men friends who live in Miami, and we were ready for sailing the next morning. 

Stay tuned. More sailing news  later.......



 See Widows List: Travel
See Widows List: Great Advice

Like so many of us that have lived in the same home many years, my friend, Joan, would like to move to smaller quarters but she can't face the work involved.

"I can't ask my children to do it," she said. "One lives in another state, the other works full time and has his own life."

But there's a great solution. Relocation services will come to your home, go over your possession, and hold garage and estate sales. They will measure your new home to help you decide what furniture will fit--and where you'll put it once you've moved. Of course they pack your possessions, arrange for movers, then stay and unpack. You can go away on moving day--and return to your new home all settled.

One company our friends used and recommend is Gero Solutions, a founding member of the National Association of Senior Move Managers, at 3150 Salt Creek Lane, Arlington Heights, IL, 847-705-2123. They'll come over for a free complimentary home visit.

Another is Marnie Dawson, of Dawson Relocation Services, 1404 W. Foster Ave. Chicago, 60640. Call 847-922-6143.

See Widows List: Real Estate

Sometimes we have to admit that daily chores are becoming too much for us. We don't want to move, yet we can't manage alone. There are many home care agencies available and some are listed on our Web site's Mental Health Widows List.

At a recent meeting of the Northwest Metro Continuity of Care group in the Arlington Heights Senior Center I met Albert D. Estrin, chief Administration Officer of one Home Care group, Synergy HomeCare at 1655 N. Arlington Heights Rd., suite 204, Arlington Heights, IL 60004.

Estrin explained his bonded, insured  team provides companionship, personal care, light housekeeping, meal preparations, medication reminders...and more.

You don't have to struggle alone. Ask for help.

Today I thought of my old copy editor, the late, great Dan "Sully" Sullivan, because whenever we toldl him about an amazing coincidence, he would answer, "Perhaps its providential, and not coincidental."

One of those events occurred this morning.

Our Glenview IL Widows Group was scheduled to hear a talk by Al Victor, the Mr. Fix It Handyman with golden hands. He was going to bring some faucets, light bulbs, and other household items, to teach us to make simple  home repairs.

He phoned just before the meeting started to say he wrenched his back and was on his way to the doctor' for a cortisone shot. 

I felt sorry my handynman was injured, but  I also was distressed because I had to disappoint a roomfull of women sitting in the Senior Center, who were full of questions and eager to learn home repair secrets.

I no sooner hung up the phone than a pleasant, burly guy swung through the door. "What's going on in here?" he asked. I mumbled apologetically about having lost our home repair expert who was supposed to give a talk and he said, "I'm a licensed electrician. Maybe I can help."

And Jerry Kalman, owner of A-ABACE Electric in Glenview , 847-401-8800. sat down, leaned forward,  and began to take questions. The women gave Jerry five stars--as he gave them such tips as:

• Always turn your hair dryer on low, not high, or you may blow a fuse.
• The reason you can't put more than one appliance in your old-fashioned kitchen is that those have only one-appliance cables.You can upgrade those at a cost.
• Use CFLS (floourescent) bulbs in your closets because the old fashioned ones easily start fires if they are left on, get hot, and touch a pillow or blanket on the shelf. (And how many of us leave the closet door open as a night light for ourselves or grandchildren?)
• Get busy with the crevice tool on your vacuum cleaner and clean out the filter on your dryer. That's the cause of too many house fires.

So do you think Jerry's sudden appearance was coincidental--or providential? I side with Sully on this one.

See Widows Lists: Home Repairs

I didn't realize I would strike such a chord among other widows with the entry below about "The Lady of the Tiger."  We also discussed it at the Widows List group meetings this week. Some members thought I should take my "comments" advice below and ignore this woman. Others agreed with our groups' therapist Carol Nevin. She said I shouldn't do anything at first because we should never "put our words,or things we imagine, in other people's mouths or minds." In other words, I may have been wrong about the whole thing and should give her a few more chances to make sure I'm being snubbed.

But if it continues, I'll do as Carol suggests, contact the woman privately to say I'd like to be her friend, and ask if I've done anything to upset her. If I have, I'll be happy to apologize.

I'll let you all know.