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Blog.Widowslist.comReporters' Skills Still Fix Problems
If you're going to live long enough to become a senior widow, as I have, it helps to have spent your entire career working as a reporter.
Then you know how to open a letter from the County Clerk that comes in certified mail and, after a brief moment of alarm, kick into Reporter's Mode to find out what's wrong and fix it.
That happened to me today. I found a notice in the mailbox saying I had that certified letter waiting at the post office. I drove over to pick it up and found that the my County Clerk was warning that I had passed the deadline for filing my Statement of Economic Interest with the County's Ethics department and had to fill out the enclosed form and return it with a $15 late fee.
Well, wait just a minute. I never heard of such a thing. Driving over to our Village Hall, I learned that since I had been appointed a volunteer on the Village's Senior Services Committee last winter, the local clerk listed my name with other members on it's county report. They included my email address, and told me today I had been notified about filling out this form in an email from the county clerk.
Except that never happened, so I told them I never heard of the thing. They told me it was between the County Clerk and me--and it was my job to fix it.
I called the County Clerk's office and learned the village misspelled my name when they sent in the report, so it also was spelled wrong on the email address, and no email ever arrived here. Also, the certified letter arrived only because it was delivered to my home, where the misspelled name didn't really matter.
The County Clerk spokesperson told me to ask the village people to call him directly and they would work out a "waiver" of fee, or the village could pay the fee, and be reimbursed.
My village officials agreed to do so.
It's in their hands now, and I'm confident there will be no more problems.
I also assured the village clerk who made the error that she isn't the first person to do so.
Despite popular demand, It's PesmEn, not PesmAn.
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won't have to resign from the board, and I don't thGo ahead, get up and move!
I know it's comfortable in that easy chair, with your remote in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. But that's just not good enough any more!
Get up. Start moving. Do something--anything--to get the blood rushing around in your veins--or it just may stop doing that way too soon.
That's the basic advice from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Administration on Aging that's sponsoring Older Americans Month throughout May, with the theme, "Never Too Old to Play.
I was never much for actual exercise classes, and I'm not very good at such sports as tennis or golf. But when I retired, my family doc, Irwin Smith, MD, told me that taking a walk each morning, in the shopping mall, around the neighborhood, or on a treadmill at home would more than serve the same purpose. In fact, he said I could simply walk briskly for a mile and a half, from 20 to 30 minutes at about 3 miles per hour. So I do.
Today, fifteen years later, I'm convinced that's why I'm still able to.
“Americans are living longer,” said Vivienne Halpern, MD, a member of the Society for Vascular Surgery®. “The average life expectancy is 83 years of age. More than 39.6 million Americans are over age 65. By comparison, there were just 17 million Americans over age 65 when President Kennedy created Older Americans Month in 1963. Back then, the average life expectancy was just 69.9 years.”
The ensuing 49 years has challenged Baby Boomers to remain active. “Thirty minutes of moderate physical activity each day is vital,” said Dr. Halpern. “Physical activity can help guard against the three leading causes of death today - heart disease, cancer, and stroke.”
So go ahead. Get up. Give it a try.
###Time to quit therapy?
Many years ago, a friend of mine, who had been undergoing psychoanalysis for 15 years, finally decided to work toward ending treatment. Her therapist warned she might suffer separation anxiety. My feeling was he suffered anxiety over possible separation from her monthly check.
Another acquaintance, who had been in treatment ten years, was so upset when her therapist went on vacation, he agreed to let her call him once a week for phone sessions (at the usual rate.)
I myself sought out a therapist 30 years ago when I suddenly faced a serious trauma. Knowing treatment could become expensive and extensive, I explained that my company insurance covered only seven visits. He agreed to try and meet that deadline.
He made it, actually, by employing cognitive therapy techniques being pioneered at the time by the University of Pennsylvania Mood Clinic, and described in Dr. David Burns' book, "Feeling Good." I've been using those techniques fairly successfully ever since, in an attempt to save my sanity.
But I am not alone in thinking many people overdo such treatment. In a recent NY Times article, psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert writes "Studies show that, in many cases, the longer therapy lasts the less likely it is to be effective. Still, therapists are often reluctant to admit defeat."
Take a look at that entire excellent article: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/opinion/sunday/in-therapy-forever-enough-already.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all
Do you really need all those meds?
Sometimes you have to put your own judgment above that of your doctors'. Many years ago my old-fashioned gynecologist warned me about the possible dangers of having too much estrogen in my system after menopause.
When he retired, I went to a fine a new young gynecologist. Like others in the field, she offered me estrogen supplements as a matter of course for senior women, and I refused.
About ten years later, reliable news reports showed my original old doc was right, and I was glad I hadn't just taken estrogen without question or any particular need.
Similarly, I refused to take a bone supplement when my bone scan came out in the somewhat normal range for a senior lady. At that time, the same young doctor, like all others, advised me to take them anyway to avoid having a broken hip and dying of pneumonia in ten years. Since the scan seemed fairly "age appropriate," I decided to take my chances.
But I'm not crazy. I continue to take blood pressure and cholesterol medications. And I toss in vitamins and calcium, as well as Ocuvite with Lutein for my eyes. But you have to draw the line somewhere.
A recent report in the NY Times by health writer Jane E. Brody, claims "over-medication of the elderly is an all too common problem, a public health crisis that compromises the well-being of growing numbers of older adults. Many take fistfuls of prescription and over-the-counter medications on a regular basis, risking serious and sometimes fatal side effects and drug interactions."
That's good enough for me. Remember, there are warnings about dangerous side effects in every RX package. So go over your basket of pills and check out those that aren't absolutely vital to keeping you alive, and check with a few doctors about throwing them out.Toll Brothers audiences like my 'Celebrities' talk
What a great crowd turned up to hear our talks at the Toll Brothers Luxury Homes development clubhouse in South Barrington last Saturday--and again on Sunday in Toll Brothers' development in Elgin.
Both properties--awash with elegant amenities--have large comfortable clubhouses flanked by glorious pools, golf courses, tennis courts. Those gathering places also have ample rooms for card games, visiting, kitchens, and meeting rooms like the one we used for our talk , "Celebrities I Have Known" based upon Sandy Pesmen's memoir, "Stairway to the Stars: John Travolta, Woody Allen, Joan Rivers...and Me!'
Both full houses enjoyed wine, tea and appetizers as I told such stories as the time Joan Rivers sent me a $7 check for a joke I mailed to her after our interview, and the day I asked Lena Horne how she managed to remain so beautiful in her late 50s with no facelift--and she answered, "I don't know. I get up each morning and look in the mirror--and I'm waitin' for the screw to fall out!"
After my hour-long slide-show presentation, audience members stayed on to tell about their own favorite stars-and those they met on trips to Las Vegas.
It was a glorious weekend, and one we'll be happy to repeat for your organization if you send an email to us or phone our contact number on the front of this Website.Pesmen Talks of "Celebrities" at Toll Brothers Developments
Please Join Us and Bring Friends
At 3 p.m. Saturday, April 21, in The Clubhouse at The Toll Brothers’ Luxury Woods of South Barrington Development, 23 Astec Court, South Barrington, Il. , journalist/author Sandra Pesmen will present a slide show: “Celebrities I Have Known.” She will tell stories about such stars she interviewed as Harry Belafonte, Ron Howard, Barbara Eden, Donald Sutherland, Gregory Peck, and many more, taken from her memoir, “Stairway to the Stars: John Travolta, Woody Allen, Joan Rivers…and Me.”
The afternoon begins at 1 p.m. with a social hour, wine and cheese reception (with Toll House cookies, of course) and a tour of the new single-family, low maintenance homes included on this deluxe property for active adults 55 years of age and better-- from the upper $400,000 .
(Directions: 1-90, Exit Rt. 59 north. Proceed north on Rt. 59 for 2 miles. The entrance is located on the right side, just south of Penny Rd. If lost call 847-381-6600.)
This program will be repeated Sunday, April 22, at the same times, in Toll Brothers other community: Bowes Creek, just west of Elgin.
For information and to RSVP: 847-381-6600 or cmolfese@tollbrothersinc.com
Widows should note Healthcare Decisions Day
Today is National Healthcare Decisions Day, and experts will tell you that even if you still buy green tomatoes-- widows must make intelligent decisions about their health and finances while we still have our health--and faculties.
One of my cousins, at 88, claims he won't name any of his children his Power of Attorney for Health because, "They'll tell 'em to pull the plug!"
Well, that's pretty silly. If it's time to pull a plug, you DO want someone responsible to give that order. I do, anyway.
It's easy to get the form from your doctor, your local hospital or even online. Just search: POH. Print it out, fill in the blanks and give a copy to your doctor, hospital, and close relatives including that POH.
I also filled out a similar form naming my eldest child, who lives nearby, my Power of Attorney for financial matters: POA. I put her name on my local checking account so she will be able to take care of any expenses when I'm unable to do that. The rest of my family is clearly named in my will so all my descendants will be treated fairly.
I also made funeral arrangement. While my husband was in hospice, our wise social worker encouraged me to make all final arrangements before he departed. I was stunned. I didn't want to admit he was in the final stage, and I thought it best to wait until he died .
She explained we'd have enough to worry about then. So we had everything settled with the guidance of counselors at Shalom Memorial Park. While there, I also made my own final arrangements. It is a great comfort to all of us to know that is done.
This all really IS YOUR responsibility. Do your family a favor and make all these arrangements now. Today, National Healthcare Decisions Day is a good day to do it.
Money, Money, Money--and Taxes
"Newly single. " It's a phrase that seems impossible to comprehend, but that's what being new widow means.
Aside from having to balance the checkbook, take out the garbage-and find ways to lift your own spirits during the many hours you now face alone--you have to handle paying your taxes. (I don't know about you, but my husband used to do that.) And that date is almost upon us.
Fortunately, help is available from Holli Rovenger, whose book, "The Simple and Sassy Guide to Finance Empowerment" will help you over that new challenge. Rovenger had to face it herself after her 26-year marriage ended in divorce.
After she had successfully lived through her own first tax season, she outlined some tips for the rest of us.
Here are those "Tips to Becoming Tax Savvy":
The first step is to make sure you have a talk with your accountant about your filing status. He or she should give you a form to fill out with all your personal financial information and invite you to bring it in personally at least the first year. You need to have all your questions answered in person--and be able to answer his or hers.
Consider possible charity deductions. That doesn't mean just the donations you make at holiday time, or those you make to charities in memory or celebration of people you care about. Make sure your accountant outlines ALL possible charity deductions. (Do you donate bags of items to Purple Heart, The Cancer Society, The Salvation Army--all of whom usually will arrange to make a pickup at your door? If so, be sure and ask for a tax deduction form with the actual amount you estimate your donations were worth.)
Carefully add up your costs for "going green." Each new appliance that saves energy--can save taxes.
Going back to school? Deduct that cost of continuing education.
If you are helping support aging parents-ask your accountant if that cost, or part of it, may be deducted
Do not overlook your medical and dental costs. If you have spent more than a certain amount out of your own pocket, be sure and present those bills to your accountant as well.
And if you still own your own home or other living quarters--be sure and pay your property tax at the bank, where you get a receipt and give that to your accountant also.
Most importantly--get cracking, and do it all before the April 17 deadline so you don't have to pay any penalties.
###Don't Ignore those Proxy Votes
For those of us who own any stocks at all, 'tis the season to be showered with a flurry of "proxy votes".
My husband used to do that for us, so I never noticed how many there are and how time consuming they can become. To shorten the time, I switched to online voting, which is quicker than my husband's tedious mail-in method.
So this year I did one, then another, then another...and started thinking maybe my one vote doesn't really make a difference, and if I quit doing it no one will know the difference.
But I know I'm not smart enough to make that decision, so I called Sanford Kovitz, of Kovitz Investment Group in Chicago, which has been handling our family's finances rather brilliantly for more than 20 years.
I asked Sanford if I really make a difference and he surprised me by saying, "Yes, you do, and you should vote."
He explained I can vote for all the board members or not (since I don't know most of them) and I can approve items they will vote on at their annual meeting, and sometimes vote for amendments from shareholders.
"But if you don't vote, they may not get enough votes to schedule the meeting, and then they'll have to do it all over again later," he added. And of course I want to save my companies money.
Lesson learned: Vote your shares. You ARE more important than you may have thought you were.
