The lady or the tiger?
I go out fairly often with a group of friends---some married and some widowed---and recently I noticed one of the married women clearly resents my presence.
Don't ask me why. I thought I was behaving nicely. But when she has to talk to me, she stares over my shoulder instead of looking in my eyes. When I express an opinion, she immediately cuts me off mid-sentence, talks over me, and presents an opposing view.
She may feel "territorial" about "her group." She may just feel a personality conflict with me. I asked some family members what I should do, because I do want to continue going out with the others.
Some told me to tell her I would like to be her friend, and wonder if I'm doing something to offend her-- and if so, I'd like to know what it is, so I can change that behavior.
Some others told me to "rise above it." They said I should sit far away from her, and never speak to her unless she asks me a direct question.
I'm trying to decide which approach will be most effective for me. Do I confront her or ignore her? Is it the Lady or the Tiger?.
Any comments are welcome.
.
Don't ask me why. I thought I was behaving nicely. But when she has to talk to me, she stares over my shoulder instead of looking in my eyes. When I express an opinion, she immediately cuts me off mid-sentence, talks over me, and presents an opposing view.
She may feel "territorial" about "her group." She may just feel a personality conflict with me. I asked some family members what I should do, because I do want to continue going out with the others.
Some told me to tell her I would like to be her friend, and wonder if I'm doing something to offend her-- and if so, I'd like to know what it is, so I can change that behavior.
Some others told me to "rise above it." They said I should sit far away from her, and never speak to her unless she asks me a direct question.
I'm trying to decide which approach will be most effective for me. Do I confront her or ignore her? Is it the Lady or the Tiger?.
Any comments are welcome.
.
Hey Sandy,
Don't let anyone stand in your way of having a good time. Sit wherever you want to sit, say whatever you want to say. No need to to talk to this person about anything except what's going on at the lunch or dinner table. She's jealous of you and what you've made of yourself. Not just since the loss of your husband but your accomplishments are awesome and I've known you since we were pups! So she's the one who's missing out on a great time by not including you in her life. I say this: Let her get over herself and you continue to be the fabulous Sandy I know and love.
Charmaine
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How did I know I could count on an encouraging word from my dear friend, Charmaine?
Thanks for that and keep 'em coming. I'll do as you suggest and let you know the outcome.
love, Sandy
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Sandy, Quit trying to vamp her husband....or let her think you have quit trying and be more circumspect. That should solve the problem. If not contact Dr.Zeke for more suggestions.....
(Sandy answers: I'm so glad you've joined us, Dr.Zeke. We need sensible comments like yours. )
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I've been widowed for six months. I still feel like I am married and I think I always will feel that way, but too soon I realized others did not see me as married. It is disconcerting to me because I act the way I have always acted toward men friends and women friends.
I can't even call myself a widow.
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I often feel the same way, and my husband died more than two years ago. That's probably why it hard for us to change our natural friendliness toward men and women pals.. But we probably should remember that some insecure women now view us as "singles" and feel threatened when we're around their husbands. But now I've decided that's their problem, not ours.
And try to understand that "widow" is not a negative word.
In fact, that's why we started www.widowslist.com. Our goal is to strive and thrive together, all proud of having survived good lives with a spouse and now moving on.
Sandy
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